How do you allow yourself to free fall into love, and possibly disappointment?
If I had to describe what falling in love feels like, I would say that those first days luxuriated in love seem like cool, sunny days at the beach, against a soundtrack by Paulinho Moska. You feel a little light-headed, a little sleepy, as if the warm rays of desire envelope you in a misty air of euphoria, full of hope for the boundless possibilities ahead of you. As the days float by, you inch, hand in hand, with the object of your affection toward the cliff of romance, at which point each of you must decide whether to take the “plunge” into the valley of love and that big scary “C” word — commitment. You must simultaneously decide whether to entrust this person with your most fragile organ — your heart. Because, once you give him the key to your heart, you open yourself to a world of unknowns, a place of possible joy and probable sorrow.
The spell of those first days intoxicates you and holds you captive to the persuasion of mutual attraction and need. You can simultaneously feel like you’re on top of the world and like you’re mired in poverty, deprived of the touch of the other. Encountering this other makes you aware of a deep void within you, a void that could only be filled by this person. Being in that state opens you up to vulnerabilities, which you may otherwise not subject yourself to when you are sober. Love has the ability to turn you into a bumbling fool. I have the unfortunate curse of being a fool when in love.